Great American Inventors I Would Recognize at the State of the Union Address If I Were President...


First, a delightfully cynical article from Slate magazine about how Julie Aigner-Clark's Baby Einstein videos have done nothing to help America (save exploiting parents' anxiety for profit) and the confusion over why she was recognized at the State of the Union address alongside other American heroes. Though I guess it's sadly true that people who convince us to buy things that will add nothing of value to our lives do embody the American Spirit.

Now, a modest list of inventors I would like to see recognized at future addresses:

John Abdo (is this really his real name?), Inventor of The Ab-Doer

Fitness Specialists agree that ab-doing (demonstrated above) is the best workout for your mid-section. It must be noted, however, that Ab-doing is not recognized by the Scrabble Board as an acceptable word in competitive play.

Inventor of the 43-Piece U.S. Presidential Knife Set
If anyone knows who invented this, please let them know I'd like to schedule them.

George Bluth, Inventor of the Corn-Baller

Unfortunately, not legal in the United States


And finally, my father, inventor of The Pun